Ep 85: Summer Holidays - Easing The Transition

Please excuse any errors from this autogenerated transcript

Dr Olivia KesselHost

00:06

Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast. I'm your neurodiverse host, dr Olivia Kessel, and, more importantly, I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, alexandra, who really inspired this podcast. As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system, I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks. Each week on this podcast I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade. In this episode I'm excited to bring you the first episode of our special summer Pocket Rocket series. Today we're going to dive into a topic that's really close to my heart transitions, change and why they can be so challenging for our neurodiverse children. Before we get started, let me share a personal story about my daughter Alexandra. She's a super bright, creative and energetic girl and she loves her holidays. But every year, as we transition from school to holidays or even back again, I notice a significant shift in her. The transition from a structured environment of school to the unstructured days of summer is incredibly tough for her. She struggles with the change in routine the different places we might visit, any new foods we might be eating and even sleeping in a different bed when we go away on holiday. Each of these changes, which might seem minor to some, can really become a mountain for Alexandra to climb.

01:45

One summer we decided to take a family holiday to a beautiful Victorian apartment Airbnb located right across from the beach on the northern coast of France. I was super excited. She was super excited. We'd been traveling for hours and as soon as we arrived she began to become overwhelmed. The unfamiliar surroundings, the different smells, the sounds of all the other people that you could hear in the building, which was quite loud, and even the need to go to sleep in a new room were too much for her. She had a meltdown of such unbelievable proportions on the first night that I actually considered packing everything up and turning the car around and driving the six hours back to the UK, but we didn't. We stuck it out, but it took us a few days to help her adjust and to get used to where we were and start really enjoying the holiday.

02:38

This experiences, and many others like it, have taught me a lot about why transitions are particularly hard for children with neurodiversity, such as, you know, adhd, autism and dyslexia. All of them find transitions difficult for different reasons. Alexandra even herself will say to me mommy, I just don't like change, and that's a. There's a real truth to that. So being cognizant of that is really important. But you know, with my medical hat on, I also wanted to look at you know why, from a medical perspective, do children with neurodiversities find it challenging? From a medical standpoint, children with neurodiversity often have a heightened sensitivity to sensory input and a strong preference for routine and predictability input and a strong preference for routine and predictability. This can make change, no matter how small, feel incredibly disruptive and stressful for everyone. My daughter will say, hands down her heart, mommy, I don't like change. And she has ADHD, attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder.

03:44

Transitions can be really difficult because they often struggle with executive functioning skills. These include planning, organizing and managing time. Moving from one activity to another or transitioning from one environment to another, especially when it's unexpected, can lead to frustration and anxiety. Children with autism also have a strong need for routine and predictability. Sudden changes can be really overwhelming because they lack that level of flexibility in thinking. This can lead to anxiety and behavioral outbursts as a way of coping with the uncertainty. Dyslexic children also can struggle with changes in routine because it can exasperate feelings of insecurity and stress. The added pressure of having to adapt in new environments can make it harder for them to concentrate and process information again, leading to increases in frustration. One aspect, though, that is often overlooked is sensory processing difficulties that many neurodiverse children experience. Changes in the environment can mean new and unfamiliar sensory inputs which can be overwhelming. There can be new sounds, different lights, even different smells, which can be distressing. Understanding this sensory aspect can be crucial in helping our children manage transitions more effectively.

04:57

So what can we do as parents to help our children navigate these transitions more smoothly? Well, first, preparation is key. Try to prepare your child in advance for any changes in routine. You can use things like visual schedules or social stories, or actually just use simple conversation to explain what's going to happen, and do that on multiple times. So, for example, if you're going on holiday, you know, show them pictures of where you're going, where you're going to stay and what you're going to do, and talk about it with them, and don't just do it once. Do it quite a few times so they become familiar with it. This can help reduce the anxiety of the unknown. Second, keep some of the elements of their routine consistent. So, for example, when we go into holiday we have in the beginning very much the same time going to bed, the same time waking up and the same routine of having breakfast getting ready, and then instead of going to school we'll go, you know, walk the dog or go do something. So it builds that routine and that familiarity and it helps her to adjust to going away from a very structured we need to get ready for school to okay, we're getting ready to be on holiday.

06:09

Thirdly, you can use transitional objects and activities. So if your child likes a particular book or a game, you can use that as a bridge between the two changes in activities. So, for example, let's say you're at a new place and you're going to go on a boat trip. In between being in the new place and going on the boat trip, you sit down and take a couple of minutes to either read a couple chapters in a book or play a card game. So it makes them feel more familiar in the unfamiliar. It makes them feel more familiar in the unfamiliar. Fourth thing that you can do is practice at home. First, transitions in a relatively low stress environment compared to being on holiday. So you know you can role play and this can be fun because you can do it like you're, you know, an actor or you know doing a play. My daughter loves acting, so she absolutely loves to do this and you can practice, you know changing from one activity to the next and you know not knowing what that's going to be, because either one of you can choose what you're changing to.

07:06

But also, in addition to these strategies, it's really important to consider the physical environment because of those sensory issues that we mentioned before. So it's really important when traveling to recreate a kind of familiar sleep environment. So bring some stuff from your child's bedroom that is going to make them feel like they've got a little bit of home away from home. You know their favorite stuffed animal my daughter has crystals that she likes to travel with. I often burn some sage incense for her because it calms her down. So I'll bring that and I can put that anywhere, so she has the smell as well. And then we use a meditation tape as well, or CD. It's actually on her iPad I'm dating myself there so she's got the same sounds that she would normally have. So we've got the smell, the sounds and we've got the familiar objects, and that really helps to create a sense of comfort.

07:56

Another practical tip is to use a countdown approach. So if you're planning a trip, let's say in a week or a month, you can remind your child how many days are left, and a calendar is a great way to do this, and it's so much fun in the evening to say, oh, let's cross off another day. Only this many more sleeps to go, only two more sleeps to go, only one more sleep to go. So it helps them to start mentally preparing that there's going to be a change coming up and it can reduce the anxiety about that being just unknown.

08:24

Routine charts can also be a lifesaver, I think, and these are visual guides that kind of say what's going to go on in the day. And I know my daughter, when we don't have a planned day, like in a holiday or when we go on vacation, she's like what are we going to do tomorrow? And then what are we going to do? And then I'll tell her and then she can't remember it. And then she asked me again what are we going to do? And then I'll tell her and then she can't remember it and then she asked me again. And it creates anxiety. So having a little schedule if this is what we're going to do today, this is what we're going to do tomorrow that she can look at and refer back to has been really helpful. You know it's a reduces the anxiety again.

08:53

It's also essential for us parents and you know it can. It is really stressful. You're often, you know you're juggling work while they're at home or the stress of traveling. You need to be able to give your child that time to adjust because you know transitions can be exhausting both emotionally and physically. So allow your child some downtime to process the changes can really be a big help. This might, you know, mean, you know, scheduling some quiet time or planning fewer activities, not making an action-packed days of stuff, but allowing that downtime, allowing that processing time and, lastly, provide lots of positive reinforcement and reassurance, celebrate their small successes and offer a lot of praise and encouragement. And I think it's also important to let your child know that it's okay to feel anxious and that you're there to support them and to help them. Remember, the key thing to take away from today's episode is that preparation and consistency are your best allies in helping your neurodiverse child navigate transitions and change by providing a predictable environment and preparing them for the changes you can really help reduce their anxiety and make their transition smoother.

10:09

Thank you again for joining me Send Parenting Tribe. I hope you found this episode helpful. As our summer pocket rock fit series kicks off, remember you're not alone in this journey. We are here to support each other every step of the way. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next week's episode, where we're going to be coping with emotional and violent outbursts, which tend to increase during the holiday period and tend to increase during periods of change. I look forward to catching up next week. Have a wonderful week ahead.